Don't say you love me
by PresidentTheAwesome
Summary: This is a domestic abuse fic, dark Doctor – Does not follow or have any connection with any of my other stories. Rating has gone up due to chapter 9.
1. Chapter 1

**I know it's been forever since I last updated and I have not forgot 'Mr and Mrs Who', but I haven't had much will power lately and this is just something that's been floating around my mind for a bit and will hopefully ease me back into writing again. Just to clarify, it's quite dark (not my usual way of writing at all) so won't appeal to everyone but I wanted to explore different ways of writing the Doctor and River. :)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 1**

River winced as she dabbed witch hazel over her swollen left eye in the bathroom mirror. He hadn't meant to get so mad at her, she knew he hadn't but today – like so many other days lately, he had let his anger get the better of him and took it out on the one person he loved the most.

His wife.

It hadn't always been like this, oh no. Once upon a time they were very happy, adventuring and saving planets from different galaxies – oh and the _running_. How they did love to run…

River smiled at the memories, the _happy_ memories they had once shared together. She was pulled from her thoughts with a jump as she heard the bedroom door slam open,

''_RIVER_!'' There it was, again. Her name he once spoke with such love and kindness; only now it was usually bitter and spiteful.

''In the bathroom dear'' she called hoarsely, inspecting her eye once more in the mirror, deciding it was bathed enough then setting the cloth down behind the tap. He burst in through the bathroom door and regarded her there,

''Where's Amy?''

''She left almost two weeks ago sweetie, remember?''

''No River I do not remember'' he sighed impatiently as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, ''otherwise I would not have asked would I. Why isn't she here, she should be here, here in the TARDIS. Amelia Pond, the girl who waited for the madman in a box-,''

''Amy and Rory went home to grow up Doctor'' wrong thing to say. His eyes narrowed and she mentally kicked herself for not putting it less bluntly, ''we can still visit and go on adventures like we used to''

''Yes, we can like we _used_ to. Like we used to do before they wanted to leave and go and live out the rest of their lives peacefully. Like it was before all of – _this_'' he flailed his arms about pointlessly trying to express what he meant

''Like before we were married you mean?'' she quipped, turning back to the sink to put the witch hazel back in the cupboard, he didn't reply but she would guarantee that he would be stood directly behind her when she turned round. Yep. He was and he was glowering down at her as well. _Here we go…_ River thought to herself sadly,

''Look, sweetie, I know you miss Amy and Rory very much but what I'm trying to say is that it's not the end, you can still see them whenever you like''

''Why do you do it River?'' he hissed between clenched teeth and she recoiled slightly, taken aback by his out of the blue question,

''I beg your pardon?''

''I said, why do you do it? Huh?'' he grabbed hold of her wrist tightly and pulled her closer so their faces were mere inches apart, ''make me _so angry_. All of the time'' he whispered the last part whilst his other hand ghosted over the raised flesh over her eye, ''why do you make me do this to you?'' she tried to wrench her hand away but he held her tighter still, finger nails cutting into her wrist painfully,

''I don't 'make' you do anything. You do this all by yourself'' she tried again, to free herself from his grasp and he watched triumphantly as she withered about frantically like a caged bird trying helplessly to escape its confinements,

''River, River, River'' he smirked, digging his nails in further until she whimpered, the pain was so sharp and intense, she thought it would surely bring blood,

''what have we learned?''

She laughed coldly despite her pain, throwing her head back and her curls tumbled about her shoulders, ''what have I learned? Oh my love, don't flatter yourself'' he growled, pushing her roughly so she was pinned between him and the sink

''Don't play games with me. Don't _ever_ think you are capable of playing games with me River Song'' he said in a dangerously low voice and it reminded her of the conversation they had during America when he wouldn't trust her enough to not ask questions.

''If there is _anything_ I've learnt from you, it is that you are not even half the man you used to be'' she began, looking up at him and matching the same fierce gaze he was giving her, ''you have become cold and spiteful and have no regard for anyone else but yourself anymore, you are NOT the man I fell in love with – I. Hate. You.''

''No, you don't'' he breathed next to her ear, loosening his grip on her wrist to move it to her hair, tugging a fistful of it so that her face was tilted upwards directly below his, ''you love me River and you'll never stop forgiving me because you love me too much'' the words rang true in River's ears and she took the chance to speak what was on her mind,

''I'll love you and I'll forgive you, yes, but I will always remember what you've done. I'll never forget, you _disgust _me Doctor'' she paused to take in his face, she wanted to see him hurtbut he kept that ridiculous grin on his face, ''I am ashamed to be called your wife''

Then he snapped.

Before she knew it, a large hand clamped round her neck and she was forced backwards until her back smacked against the wall, ''this make you feel proud does it Doctor?'' she managed to say breathlessly as the hand sqouze tighter around her throat, ''does it, make you feel big, and... Tough hitting your wife? Does it?'' his jaw shook with anger and he watched her face slowly drain of colour,

''It would be so _easy _to stand here and suffocate you River. To watch the air leave your lungs and you struggle to meet their starving need for oxygen. I _could _do it you know...''

She gasped for air as both her hands fought frantically with the one that was clamped round her throat, trying desperately to pry his fingers away. When she started to turn a pale shade of white he let go of her and she slumped a good few inches down the wall, she was left with a bright white handprint round her neck which would no doubt bruise given time.

The Doctor turned round shaking and took a slow breath, he could hear River's raspy quick intakes of breath behind him and even contemplated apologizing; he pushed that thought to the back of his mind and turned round to tell her she deserved it but she was ready for him this time,

SMACK

The back of her hand collided with his cheek, splitting his lip in the process and he recoiled backwards from the force, she took the opportunity to run towards the bedroom and she got to the door when she felt something yank her hair backwards and she slammed into his chest. His knuckles turned white as he pulled tighter on her hair, forcing her head back onto his shoulder so he could hiss directly into her ear, ''you can't escape River, you'll _never_ leave me''

''Doctor, you're hurting me!''

''..._Good_'' with that he threw her to the floor, her head collided with the bath on the way down with a sickening crack, ''you asked for that''

**I understand people may not like reading this sort of thing but please leave feedback letting me know what you think :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Woah, had such a good response to this story – far better than I expected. Thankyou to reviewers and people who have favourite/alerted! I hope you like this chapter, I seem to have waffled a lot :L**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 2**

Later that night River lay in bed with a throbbing headache and unable to sleep. She hadn't seen the Doctor since the bathroom incident, he had helped her off the floor then stormed off in a sulk and that was probably what he was doing now; sulking.

She thought back to what had happened earlier that day, after he'd stormed off and left her in the bathroom, she'd sat on the edge of the bath for about half an hour, feeling dizzy and faint from the crack on the head. After that, she'd walked to the sink and splashed her face with cool water, welcoming the refreshing feeling on her hot (and bruised) skin. When she'd finished in the bathroom, she tumbled onto their bed, swapping her jeans, shirt and boots for more comfortable pyjama bottoms and vest then climbed over to her side and under the covers.

Three hours later, she was not asleep. The constant throb in her head seemed to pound her blood faster than necessary and felt like something was hammering against the inside of her skull. Her neck had indeed bruised and her left eye was a harsh bluish/purple colour with a yellowy tint round the edge which prickled when she blinked, not to mention the sharp nail marks on her wrist. Another ten minutes passed when she heard quickened footsteps echo through the TARDIS corridor, getting louder as he got nearer to their bedroom. She immediately stiffened, becoming alert and preparing herself for what might come next - too tired and sore to actually move herself into somewhere more defensive. The door opened and a thin line of light crept into the room, she looked over to where his figure towered in the door frame, expecting to see a stony faced, agitated Doctor but instead, to her surprise, he look genuinely sad. He surveyed her with red rimmed, sunken eyes and she noticed that his bottom lip was trembling slightly.

''Sweetie?...''

He stumbled forwards and perched on the edge of their bed on his side, hunched over, faced away from her. None of them spoke for a while; neither actually knowing what to say and then the Doctor's shoulders started shaking. River's eyes widened at this whole other side of her husband and compared it to what he was like a few hours ago... She reached out and touched his shoulder gently, that was all the confirmation he needed. He turned round and collapsed onto her shoulder, shaking uncontrollably as his whole body wracked with sobs,

''Oh River... What have I done...'' he sobbed into the crook of her neck and she thought it rather pathetic but wrapped her arm round his shoulder anyway, ''oh River, River, I'm so sorry''

''Shhh my love''

''But I've hurt you River, look'' he lifted his head from where it had become nestled on her chest and looked up at her with watery eyes, tracing her jaw with his index finger, ''what I've done to you...''

She continued to shush him and rub comforting circles on his back whilst he wept and murmured apologies into her chest, ''please forgive me River... I don't know what came over me. Your right, you should hate me...''

''Oh sweetie, I could never hate you. Like you said, I love you too much for that'' she smiled softly, brushing the hair from his forehead,

''It'll never happen again, I swear to you'' As much as she didn't believe those words - for she knew it was only a matter of time. River went along with it anyway, accepting his idle apologies. The sad thing was, he seemed to be trying to convince himself more than River that he wouldn't do it again, blaming it on stress and it being a 'heat of the moment' thing... And so, three days went passed - sure there had been the odd cross word, maybe a raised voice here and there but not actually anything physical...

''Right, I'm taking you to Leadworth. A surprise visit, I'm sure they'll like that'' River said as she brought the TARDIS out of the vortex and into 21st century Gloucester , ''they haven't seen you for a while so I'm sure they'll be eager to go on some life-endangering adventures, sweetie?''

''Uhm, yes life-endangering adventures, River did you just say 'you'? you as in me? Aren't you coming too?''

''No sweetie, I'm not. I think it would do you good to see them alone and I'm not sure what they would make of these do you?'' she said, indicating to her black eye and bruised neck, although the swelling had gone down, the bruises still remained as bold as ever on her honey toned skin, ''so better not eh? Besides, it's been ages since I did any Archaeology work so I'll be able to catch up won't I''

The Doctor eyed her suspiciously but agreed, she gave him a quick kiss on the lips then ushered him from the TARDIS. Truth be told she wanted some time to herself, perhaps actually do some work without him hovering over her all the time or do some reading, there were many books in the TARDIS library she wanted to read but never actually got round to it. Or maybe she would have a bath, a filled to the rim, deep, hot, scented candle bath... With bubbles. Yes, lots of bubbles will do nicely. For the time being, she was free to do whatever she liked.

_Meanwhile, at the Pond residence_

''Doctor!'' Amy yelled, pulling the Doctor into a bone crushing hug on the door step, ''where have you been, it's been months!'' she let go of him and looked round expecting to see River but apparently, he was alone

''Oh you know... The usual... Where's the centurion?''

''He's inside watching CSI, Doctor where's River? I thought she'd be with you?''

''River didn't want to come'' he explained, offering a faint smile, ''She's in the TARDIS-,''

''What? Why, is she okay? She's not ill is she? Cos' Rory's a nurse and he's good with poorly people and he can make her better if-,''

''No no, Rivers not poorly, she's catching up on some Archaeology work, probably just wanted to get rid of me though eh?'' he laughed, only half joking, ''c'mon, let's go inside'' he swept passed Amy and proceeded to the living room where he knew Rory would be,

''Roranicus!''

''Oh Doctor, hi'' Rory jumped off the sofa to greet the Doctor, giving him a many hug and patting him on the back, ''I thought it was you at the door, River not with you?''

''That's what I said, but apparently she's too busy to visit her old mum and dad, kids these days'' Amy tutted, plonking herself on the sofa and patting the cushions on either side, motioning them to sit down ''come one, tell us what you've been up to''

And so he did, they sat for a good few hours chatting about what had happened over the past couple of months, only the good bits though, not the bad bits. Never the bad bits, although really, how exactly do you explain to someone that you've been battering their daughter?

''Doctor, is everything alright?'' Rory asked after a while, they'd come to a comfortable silence but for some reason it had turned most awkward,

''Yeah, you seem a little... Quiet...''

''Me, Quiet? Seriously Pond, you've been away too long-,''

''And everything's okay with River?''

The Doctor sighed impatiently, ''Rivers fine! Would you both stop asking me about River, she's not here!''

''I know she's not, she's in the TARDIS. Chill out old man'' Amy said sceptically, giving him a nudge with her elbow, ''was only asking...''

''Yeah, sorry...''

''Is River mad at you for something? You can tell us, it's just, she doesn't usually not want to visit us…'' when he didn't reply, only stare into the fireplace; Amy started to panic and even Rory was becoming worrisome,

''_Doctor!_ Why won't she see us?''


	3. Chapter 3

**The original version of this included A LOT more violence so I toned it down a bit as it did actually end up quite explicit and I surprised myself at how the ideas had come from my mind :l Hmmm.. Enjoy!**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 3**

The Doctor watched, wide eyed and anger bubbling inside him as he watched his wife, his River in a too-close-for comfort, embrace with some other stranger. He could feel the familiar prickly heat rise up his neck at the sight before him, the stranger with his hands touching _his_ wife, laughing and joking as they walked arm in arm from the restaurant. _'Just meeting an old friend sweetie'_she had said, _'Someone I used to go to university with, my love'_

He stood on the corner, replaying all these thoughts in his head; he remembered the conversation he'd had with the Ponds yesterday. He'd promised that the next time he visited, he would make sure River wasn't 'too busy' so that she could come along to. He'd fobbed them off with excuses of needing to get back to the TARDIS so he wouldn't have to tell them the truth and left in a hurry without as much as a goodbye.

Back in the present, the strange man had just pressed a kiss, _a kiss_! On the corner of River's mouth and lingered a little too long for the Doctor's liking. River blushed and gave him a fond hug which he gladly returned, hands splaying dreadfully close to her bottom, it was easy to see by any unknowing stranger that this man fancied River.

Giving him a final squeeze, she bid him goodnight and proceeded to cross the road to the alleyway where she would use her vortex manipulator to travel back to the TARDIS and the Doctor hurried back as to not be seen.

She hummed lightly to herself, heels clicking loudly on the cobbled street. When she turned the corner, that's where it was. The big blue police box standing accusingly and deadly silent in-between the high rise buildings and casting an eerie blue haze about the alleyway.

The TARDIS.

_Oh please god no,_ River thought to herself. The sight made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

Taking a deep breath, she creaked the door open slowly and stepped inside. The console room appeared empty so she made her way through the corridors in seach of her husband; taking care to move as quietly as she could wearing high heels on a glass floor. _Why was she so nervous, it's not like she'd done anything wrong… _Then again from the unknowing eye, it may have looked rather… couple-y, the two of them going for a meal together in cosy restaurant. But that's all it was, a meal with a friend, a male friend who she hadn't seen or spoken to since university, nothing more.

She walked past countless rooms, listening carefully for any sign of him near until she came across the library where she could hear a faint muttering from inside the room. River listened outside the door for a while and concluded that he wasn't talking to anyone in particular, just himself – he tended to do that a lot.

Peeping her curly head round the door frame, she saw him slouched in the old armchair that he usually sat in whilst reading a book, the one that sat at an angle next to the fireplace, his chair. They'd made love in that chair on numerous occasions, the most recent being on New Year's Eve after a night out with Jack. They'd both drank rather a bit too heavily that evening and suddenly decided to read up on all of Shakespeare's plays, deciding that the ones they didn't like, they would go back in time and erase from history, only they never even got the bookcase. He didn't mind. Now however, he was sat nursing a glass of Amber liquid and staring into the hearth solemnly. Judging by the flush in his cheeks and the way his hands trembled slightly; this was not his first drink.

''So you came back then?'' he muttered without looking at her and refilled the tumbler with more amber liquid then set the bottle down on the side table with more force than was necessary,

''Of course I did, don't be silly! Why would you think otherwise?'' she waited for his response but it never came so she took a deep breath and walked over to where he was sitting, slinking an arm over the back of his chair, ''…I see you've been drinking''

''Yeah, well, I needed it'' he snapped ''did you have _fun_?''

''Yes I did actually, it was nice to catch up again and reminisce about-,''

''Don't lie to me River! I know perfectly well what you've been doing this evening'' he almost yelled, slamming the glass down loudly and River jumped,

''You followed me…''

''Well, it's a good job I did otherwise I may never have found out. Tell me River, was he worth it?''

''Why would you do that!'' she said in disbelief, ignoring his question

''Because I can't trust you, can't you see!'' he jumped up and moved towards her, swaying rather dangerously, ''how many others have there been, hum? I bet this has been going for ages, _you_ and _him_ secretly meeting up for a quick shag when I've been too busy saving different planets and races to satisfy my own needs!''

''You're drunk'' she said simply, interrupting his rant and he moved closer still. The smell of something strong mixed with a hint of bitter sweetness enveloped her senses as he swayed forwards,

''What? You just couldn't wait could you? You're left alone for five bloody minutes and you get some other man to jump into bed with! Keep the sheets _warm_ did he River!''

''It wasn't like that! He's my _friend_ nothing more!''

''Yeah, 'friend' indeed. How many other of these _friends_ have you got, hum?'' he said, starting to shake her ''how many other men have you got lined up to keep the bed from being empty?''

''Doctor, I love you, _you!_ PLEASE! Listen to me!'' River cried, and the tears threatened to spill. How could he ever think such a thing? Sure, there had been other men in her life before the Doctor, nothing ever too serious but ever since she had first met the Doctor all those years ago when she had been ordered to kill him; it had only ever been him. How could she love anyone else?

''You stupid BITCH!'' he growled right next to her ear, making her flinch as he shook her harder still, ''didn't you think I'd ever find out about your sordid little affairs? How many others have there been?'' she just whimpered, unable to defend herself as he continued to hold her upper arms in an iron grip, ''answer me!'' he shook her again, this time with so much force she almost toppled over

''None! I swear, I wouldn't!''

''LIAR!''

And that's when it was, what she had been waiting for. The distinct ringing of fist colliding with flesh echoed round the library. She staggered backwards from the force, a tender hand nursing her jaw as he watched with narrowed eyes ablaze, shaking with uncontrollable anger. After a moment he started towards her again with quick paces

''No! Please don't!'' she wept, expecting another hit but he grabbed her arm roughly, twisting it painfully as he did and dragged her towards the armchair, forcing her to sit in it. She looked up, tears rolled down her face leaving a glistening trail on either cheek. The Doctor leant forwards so his face was directly in front of hers, legs pushing forcefully into her knees – pinning them to the edge of the chair and his hands curled over the chair back on either side of her head,

''Was I not good enough for you River?'' he hissed quietly and the bitter-y tinge of his breath swept across her face ''did you get sick and tired of the same bed partner night in, night out?''

''Doctor, I _swear, _I've _never_ been unfaithful to you-,''

''Don't delude yourself into thinking you can lie to me and get away with it River Song, because I'll tell you now, you won't be able to. I've seen the way men look at you and how you, you flirt with them right under my nose!''

''But it's you! It's always ever been y-,'' Another hit, but a slap this time. Then another and another. She screamed and tried her best to wrestle free but it was no use. He was just too strong. Too drunk. Too angry.

The next day River stood infront of the floor length mirror in their bedroom, examining the extent of her injuries. Her almost faded black eye was indeed black again and now had a partner to match it, dried blood had seeped from the corner of her mouth during the night so no doubt she had at the very least a split lip. Her jaw ached like hell and was indefinitely swollen as well as some minor bruising along her arms, neck and she was pretty sure her ribs were bruised to, but was too afraid to lift up her vest top and see what lied beneath. Finally, a deep cut above her eyebrow – god only knows how that had got there, she couldn't remember much of it and was pretty sure she'd blacked out after a couple of hits.

River continued to stare at herself in the mirror, not her injures now – just her eyes. She remembered how she used to be; bubbly, fun, charismatic, outgoing, brave… _flirty_. Now all that remained was a damaged, empty shell of the woman that used to be.

River started to sob.

**Do let me know if this is too depressing. It's not meant to be a 'happy' story as such****,**** but reading it back, to me it does seem a little… Intense. If that is even the right word… Anyway, please comment :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 4**

River Song stood in the shower. Allowing the hot water to cleanse her body; washing away all the blood and the tears and smoothing out her taunt muscles and sore limbs. She'd washed her hair and was about to turn the water off when she felt that familiar presence behind her, flinching when he touched her shoulder tenderly. She turned round to look at his face and noticed he was in dire need of a shave. He'd neglected himself this past week, the usual prim and proper Time Lord now resembled more of his namesake; 'raggedy Doctor'

They didn't utter a single word to each other. River, still wary about what happened the night before, for it had been the most physically violent he'd ever been to her, picked up the wash cloth slowly and motioned for her to wash him. He nodded briefly and she lathered up the cloth with soap and began to wash his chest, moving up in circular motions over his shoulders then down his back. They stayed like that for some time; the Doctor stood under the running water whilst his wife cleansed him and washed his hair, her nails grazing over his scalp soothingly and the Doctor hummed with contentment.

When all the bubbles had washed away, he turned back around and started to nuzzle her neck, moving upwards purposefully from shoulder to ear. He was just about to take her ear lobe into his mouth when he felt her push his arms away, he looked at her confused and saw that she couldn't even meet his eyes; instead opting to stare at the towel rail blankly, she didn't even look as though she had been enjoying it - unusual…

Before he had the opportunity to act, she'd stepped out of the shower carefully and was currently wrapping a white fluffy towel around herself. Still avoiding eye contact, she swept into their bedroom to dress leaving a bemused and rather disappointed Doctor alone in the bathroom.

What did he expect? He'd abused her and called her every name under the sun, or suns (in both English and Gallifreyan); ranging from a liar to a cheat, an adulteress, bitch, a whore, slut and so on… She didn't want to remember what he had thought of her and he had made it very clear that she wasn't to see 'that worthless scum' ever again.

Pulling on some jeans and a loose fitting shirt (to avoid any friction and unnecessary pain to her rib area) she heard a string of swear words come from the bathroom and immediately went to see what was wrong. Apparently, due to the length he'd allowed his facial hair to grow, it had snagged on the razor and caused him to cut himself – quiet deeply to judging by the trail of blood that had already started to trickle down his jaw.

Deciding to take pity on him, she walked over and picked up the razor from where he had thrown it, in the sink, motioned for him to sit on the toilet lid and offered to shave his face for him.

''Here'' she lifted his chin up to wipe away the blood before proceeding to press the razor to his skin, bringing it down slowly and leaving a smooth line in its wake. He watched her silently, her eyes only ever leaving his face to dip the razor blade in the soapy water. ''whatever am I going to do with you eh?'' she sighed, making another smooth line round the curve of his jaw.

When she'd finished and dried his face with a towel, the Doctor dropped his head forward onto her stomach, hands clutching tightly on her shirt at her waist, ''I love you River'' he breathed quietly and she had to bite back a chuckle,

''I know sweetie, you just have a funny way of showing it sometimes''

''I don't mean what I do to you, what I said to you. I never mean it, it's just-,''

''Don't,'' River shushed him ''we all do stupid things – admittedly you more than others-,'' she stopped when he squeezed her hips a little too forcefully and she heard him take a sharp intake of breath,

''Please, I need you now, more than ever…''

River sighed. They hadn't been intimate in _that_ way for almost two weeks, which was quite a long time for those two and she wasn't sure she wanted to now.

''Doctor, I don't think-,''

''_Please_ River…'' he pleaded, standing up and she wondered when his hands had sneakily found their way under her shirt, scratching the skin above her waistband. She could already feel herself getting lost in his touch and didn't want to give up so easily, it was only when she felt his teeth scrape her neck did she pull away, ''…not like this''

''What?'' he demanded, ''what's the matter?''

''No, nothings the matter. I just don't-,''

''Oh c'mon'' he tried again, pulling her closer and wrapping an arm round her back so she was pressed into him, ''it's what married people do – what _we_ do'' he trailed open mouth kisses up to her jaw and smiled in immense satisfaction when her neck arched at his touch.

She pulled him closer by his neck and parted her lips for him – open invitation. For that brief moment, she responded, allowing him to take control and forgetting everything that wasn't here and now – before reality kicked in and she pulled away, ''no Doctor, I cant. Not now, not today''

''Jesus River! Make up your bloody mind! You haven't let me touch you in weeks!''

She laughed loudly, she just had to – _was he serious?_

''Stop it. You know what I meant; I'm your husband for crying out loud! Why won't you just sl-,''

''Oh, you know why'' she snarled

''Come on, you're not still mad about that are you? I thought I explained?'' he said in a low voice, once again bringing his lips to hers but she pushed him away, with more force this time,

''I said no. I'm not having sex with you,'' she then looked him up and down, taking note of the bulge in his trousers that she had felt press into her whilst he had tried to kiss her ''you'll have to make do with a cold shower instead''

He was baffled. That was the second time this morning she'd refused sex, not usual River behavior at all. Normally she'd be up for it; shower, kitchen, swimming pool, console room – even Amy and Rory's garden shed one time – wherever. Maybe she was having an affair with the man from the restaurant and therefore didn't need him anymore – no, he'd made her swear never to see him again, so there would be no further shenanigans (if there even was any to begin with) This was most worrying…

He'd been pondering for so long that he never noticed River leave the bathroom. He'd try again later, but first things first – cold shower indeed.

**Hope you liked :) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, the feedback and support I've been having off you people it amazing, so thankyou very much! I just hope I continue to please as I seem to have set a standard for myself which I'm not sure I'm going to be able to uphold until the end but anyway, this chapters a little less intense than the previous ones. Here goes :)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 5**

''River, hurry up! We landed half an hour ago'' the Doctor called into the bathroom where River was currently finishing her makeup,

''I'm coming sweetie, two minutes'' was the reply, and the Doctor plonked himself down on their bed whilst he waited. They'd been invited to a formal party by the current American president of 1952; the Doctor was wearing a smart black suit, crisp white shirt with square silver cufflinks and a silk black bowtie. River was wearing a typical dress for the time; knee length, halter neck in a deep blue colour – not quite TARDIS blue, it was too dark for that, which slimmed around her waist then flared out at the hips and swished about her knees. Her hair had been clipped back at the sides but still remained loose at the back and tumbled loosely around her shoulders and she wore simple charcoal grey patent high heels matched with a clutch bag of the same colour, her bruises were still slightly visible but were easily concealed behind the makeup she wore, dark eyes but her lipstick was a few shades lighter than the customary ruby red she was so fond of wearing.

''_River!'' _

''Alright, alright, keep your Time Lord pants on, I'm ready now'' she stepped out of the bathroom and gave him an elegant twirl, ''how do I look?''

''Very nice'' he huffed, getting up from the bed and pulling her along towards the door, ''now let's go before it looks like were crashing''

They walked into the gala, arm in arm. By the sounds of things the dancing had already started as loud music and chattering could be heard coming from the main hall. They gave their 'names' to the man on the door then proceeded to greet the President, accepting a glass of champagne from a waiter as they did,

''Ahh Mr Smith! And the lovely Mrs Smith of course'' he beamed, taking River's hand and giving it a quick kiss, she could feel the Doctor's grip on her waist tighten, ''what a pleasure''

''Oh please, call me River, really''

''Yes, but every time I address you as 'Mrs Smith', it reminds me that you are married'' he replied with a wink, kissing her hand once more,

''Mr President'' the Doctor shook his hand rather reluctantly,

''We were beginning to worry you wouldn't show up-,''

''Ah yes, my wife. Spends an age getting dressed. Women eh?'' the Doctor chuckled giving the president a nudge on the shoulder,

''Indeed'' the president agreed then took hold of River's hand again and motioned to the dance floor ''Mrs Smith – River, care to join me for a dance?''

''Uhm,'' River looked up at the Doctor as if seeking confirmation and he nodded curtly, ''of course, I'd love to'' that was all the words she could manage before he swept her off to the middle of the room where dozens of couples were swaying to the music.

He took one of her hands in his own and she placed her other on his shoulder, his other hand rested on the curve of her waist and they began to sway. Somewhere in the crowd, River could practically feel the Doctor's eyes on her, making sure she was behaving herself and whatnot. They danced for quite a while, little words were spoken and River was just starting to enjoy herself when she felt his breath near her ear,

''You look lovely tonight, Mrs Smith'' he breathed as he twirled them gracefully so they were more central on the dance floor now,

''Oh, why thankyou Mr President and how many times should I say you must call me River''

''Well in that case River, you must call me Harry…''

They danced for a little while longer, River now feeling slightly uncomfortable at the president's close proximity and how he would whisper things in her ear, not that she minded being complimented or the flirting… much. She just knew the Doctor was waiting somewhere for her to return and that he had probably been watching her all the time…

When the song finally finished, the president gave her a final kiss on the hand then departed to the other end of the room. She danced with multiple strangers, some she had seen before, some she hadn't. It wasn't till after her fifth or sixth dance did the Doctor sweep up behind her and lead her into a waltz,

''So Mrs Smith, think you can find the time between all these men to have a dance with your husband?'' he joked, leaning in close to brush against her cheek,

''Of course sweetie, I'll always find the time for my husband. What sort of wife would that have made me otherwise''

''Not a very good one. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me what with all your fancy men hovering about'' she remained silent and he sensed that he had made her feel uncomfortable, it was unintentional. It had genuinely meant to be a joke. They swayed together for a while in sync with the music and the Doctor had the chance to finally admire her. The rich blue dress she wore swished around her knees as they danced and the halter neck emphasised her chest giving him the most blissful view from where he stood a good head taller than her – but that of course meant that the other six or seven men had also had this view, pushing this thought aside he brought his gaze to her face; she was currently watching something unfocused over his left shoulder, weather it was because of the drink or she was just thinking he did not know.

''River,'' her head snapped up to his face and she braced herself for what she had been expecting, ''no, no'' he chuckled, obviously she had expected him to make another smart comment about the other men she'd danced with but maybe he'd surprise her. He leaned in to whisper something in her ear, what he'd like to do to her as soon as they'd left the party. She flushed slightly and looked up to meet his darkened eyes,

''Hmm, we'll see. I spotted a very nice hallway on our way in. Very empty…''

There is was. His luck was in; perhaps she had missed it as much as he had for nearly a month. Don't get him wrong, he had tried on multiple occasions, trying to catch her off guard when they were in the shower or bath, or in bed. Hinting they could slip away from Amy and Rory when they'd visited but she had point blank refused, he knew why; she was trying to get back at him for what he'd done to her but now here she was, suggesting they go for a quickie in the President's home surrounded by hundreds of people. Oh she could be incredibly naughty when she wanted to be, much like she used to be before, well… _That._

''River Song, you are a very, _very_ naughty woman. That would be highly improper-,''

''Well, let's go back to the TARDIS then… Whatever'' she hummed, giving him a suggestive look, oh god. Why did she have to look at him that way, the way that makes him feel all hot and bothered and the hair on the back his neck to rise up from the prickly heat that creeps up to his cheeks. She hadn't looked at him like that for almost a month – a month! He didn't need to think it through anymore; he grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd towards the exit, dodging waiters laden with drinks trays as they did.

They'd made it to the entrance hall before he finally got impatient and pushed her up roughly against the wall and she started giggling when he assaulted her throat with wet kisses. She felt his hardness pressing into her stomach and resisted the urge to just release him there and then.

''Sweetie… We should, wait till we get home…''

''Can't wait'' he grunted and pushed himself off her so that the pressure on his groin area was less intense, ''…going to, soon'' was all he managed and they both took off towards the doors almost sprinting when they heard a voice behind them,

''Doctor Song'' it was the president and he'd used her proper title rather than the one she had adopted for the occasion, ''just a moment please''

She gave the Doctor an apologetic look and promised to meet him back at the TARDIS very soon and he all but skipped down the few stairs beaming like a complete idiot.

As it turned out, the president had wanted a private word regarding the McCarran Internal Security Act; why on earth he felt the need to tell her this she did not know perhaps it was just an excuse to get her alone, who knew… Anyway, the explanation had gone on for a good while, going through all the ins and outs, pros and cons… She'd tried to explain that her husband was the best with these sorts of things but he'd just waffled on, showing her his detailed plans and notes.

It was well into the early hours of the morning when she returned to the TARDIS. She hoped he wouldn't feel too put out about their evening not going as planned and when she did finally enter her and the Doctor's bedroom; he was already asleep. Well, either asleep or very mad judging by the way he didn't stir when she climbed into bed.

River moulded herself to his back and she felt his muscles stiffen. Yup he was mad.

''Sweetie?'' she cooed, kissing his bare shoulder and trying to temp him to turn round, ''It wasn't my fault, the president; he wanted a word with me… Come on, talk to me sweetie?''

''A word?'' he said sharply ''are you sure that's all it was because you were gone an awfully long time for just a 'word'?''

He finally turned round and she sighed, ''are you going to accuse me of sleeping with every man I meet just because they want to talk to me?''

''Perhaps''

''Oh, don't be so childish! This is because you didn't get what you were after so you blame everything on me!'' she was sitting up fully now, duvet scrunched around her hips and breathing heavily. The Doctor flung the covers back and stood up quickly, pointing at her,

''It's not just about sex, River!''

''Well what is it about then because you've not had it for weeks!'' It was eerily silent for a while, neither of them breaking eye contact. The calm before the storm…

''And how exactly do you know that?''

River felt winded and slightly sick at the same time, all her breath had rushed out at once and she couldn't seem to draw it back in. Was this her heart breaking?

**Let me know what you think?**


	6. Chapter 6

**I have been working on this since about the day after the last chapter was posted, took me ages as I've just been writing a bit more when I felt like it, this has some sexual stuff in it, don't think it's enough to be rated M though… Anyway, hope you enjoy! **

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 6**

''_And how exactly do you know that?'' _The words repeated themselves in her mind; over and over they stabbed her in the heart_. _Was that a confession? Had he just admitted to sleeping with someone else? And he had the nerve to accuse _her_ of adultery.

River tried to keep composed, taking a long breath and ignoring the brick weight that had somehow dropped in the pit of her stomach. He was breathing heavily too, fists clenching and unclenching – another tell-tale sign that he was trying to keep his anger under control. After a moment of silence and slow breathing, River too pushed back the duvet and started to walk towards the bathroom, suddenly feeling the need to splash cold water on her face to calm the wave of dizziness that rushed to her head; however, she never made it to the bathroom, the feint feeling had become too much and she had to sit on the end of the bed when bright lights popped up and obscured her vision.

''River…'' the Doctor started softly, making an attempt to sit next to her

''Don't, just… stay there'' she kept her eyes shut whilst waiting for the nausea to pass and the heavily feeling in her stomach started bubbling into anger.

''River, I didn't mean-,'' he was cut off by her piercing laughter.

''Oh no, of course you didn't, not on purpose. You would never purposely admit to your wife that you've been screwing someone else behind her back. How silly of me''

''No, I didn't, I only said it because-,''

''You wanted to hurt me, yeah I know. I get it. Well it worked didn't it?''

''You have to understand, all these men I see around you. They all _want _you River!'' he explained and she stood up to stand infront of him,

''Oh for god's sake, it's your imagination! How do you think I feel? Have any of your companions ever actually been male?''

''Don't try and pin this around on me, _you_ were the one sneaking off to meet some stranger without telling me!'' They were both facing each other now and River laughed at his pathetic attempt to make it seem her fault.

''You always have to drag that up to your defence don't you? I _told_ you that I was meeting a friend that night, not a stranger and I do not 'sneak' anywhere! I have never slept with anyone else since before we were married!''

Silence. _Oh god. _She had expected him to shout back at her, perhaps say 'neither have I' but it never came… The realisation sunk in even further, if she felt sick before it was nothing compared to what she felt like now. Not only were the words meant to hurt her, they had perhaps been true…

''Well say something!'' she pushed him hard in the chest and kept pushing, forcing him backwards with each hit, ''shout at me, tell me I'm crazy and I've got it wrong! Deny it, go on!''

''STOP IT! Just, stop!'' he yelled over her, grabbing her by the arms and then he forced her to the bed, ''okay River, I'm going to be honest with you now…'' River felt her breath hitch and eyes wide as he crouched infront of her and took a deep breath, ''… It was a one off'' he sighed and saw the colour drain from her face so quickly continued, ''I was drunk, it didn't mean anything – I don't even know her name… We didn't actually, you know… she just…''

''What?'' River demanded, ''she just did you favours did she?''

''It wasn't like that! I don't even remember where-,''

''When?'' she cut him off,

''What?''

''Fucks sake, do I have to spell it out for you! When, Doctor? When did she get on her knees and you let her _please _you!''

''Uhm, I can't,-''

''Well come on!'' she shouted, hitting him in the chest again, ''TELL ME!''

''I don't know, about two weeks ago!'' River thought back to when he had said, that made it about three weeks after Amy and Rory left and a week after the bathroom incident so really, round about the time, or just before she'd met John at the restaurant for a catch up. On that night in particular he had beaten her for supposedly 'having an affair' with the man and now she found out that he had done just that, well not an affair as such, for that implied it happened more than just the once, but he had certainly done the thing he had warned _her_ not to do.

''…Who was she?'' she whispered, she couldn't even stand to look at him, she was disgusted. Instead, she stared at the carpet whilst he answered,

''I don't know, I told you I didn't even get her name''

''A prostitute?''

He looked appalled at the statement, ''no! God no, River'' he brought a hand up to her cheek but she smacked it away,

''Don't touch me. I can't believe that after all the times you've, you _punished _me for something I never did and you had the gall to accuse me of cheating on _you_, when not once have I strayed!''

''Don't'' he warned,

''What? Truth hurts doesn't it Doctor? And all because I wouldn't give you what you wanted, you allowed that slapper to-,''

''I said DON'T!'' he roared and there was a split second before she went to slap him across the face, although he had been expecting this and so snapped a hand to her wrist before it collided with his cheek and used it to push her backwards onto their bed. He went to pin her other hand by her head and now she was trapped. He used his body weight to push her further into the mattress, her hips clenched painfully between his knees. No escaping.

''You never _listen_ do you River?'' he snarled into her ear, ''always have to _push_ me that bit further…'' he moved back a little so he could look at her face, not an etch of fear, just that trademark smirk

''Well go on then... Do it''

More silence.

''It's what you want, what I've not given you for a while so why don't you just do it!'' And he would of, not like this though, he couldn't force her… Could he?... He really wanted this – _needed_ to feel her again, her warmth, her love. He wanted to make her scream, shag her until she couldn't see straight, but this wasn't the way, there'd be no love this way and yet there she was beneath him – still smirking.

She found that she had long since given up trying to force him off her, if he was going to do it and in the state he was in, then he would. She became dully away of his breathing quick and shallow on her cheek, the darkness of his eyes and the hardness of him pressing into her pelvis.

He let go of her wrists and rises to his forearms, hovering over her, giving her the opportunity to say no, to stop him should she wish but she stayed there – fixed. Last chance…

After a moment he brushed his lips across her shoulder gently, tempting her into responding and she did, kissing him back slowly which was a mistake as she found out. He started kissing and grabbing her so roughly, she panicked. It was almost violent, the way he bit at her lip was not playful like it usually was but hurt – properly hurt. And those daft hands, grabbing fistfuls of her hair whilst the other yanks at her clothes. She dared to shift beneath him so she could reach his trousers properly and unclip the braces with a loud 'snap'

She tries to speak but the look in his eyes is rather dangerous and she gasps when he bites the jut of her collarbone. She wishes she could go back a few hours or so, wishing she hadn't encouraged him, wishing she hadn't found out the truth about what he had done and she wished to god that they hadn't gone to that stupid party and danced with them stupid men and the stupid president.

A while later after he'd wrestled her clothes off and they were both considerably less dressed; she'd clawed at his back, raked her nails down his taut skin and left angry scratch marks. It was all legs round his waist and bouncy hair and panting and _biting_. His anger had simmered into lust and hers into, well either pity or longing, she wasn't sure which, and some point she had felt rather worried about what he could be capable of but that had also simmered away when he lent back on his knees and darted his tongue down over her stomach and lower until her train of rational thought disappeared and all she could think about was the man nestled between her thighs.

The next morning, River woke to an empty bed and is slightly disgusted at herself for sleeping with him just moments after finding out what he did. She slipped on a dressing gown and headed to the console room cautiously where she knew he would be – and he was. Sat forward in the leather chair with his elbows resting on his knees and looking completely vexed was the Doctor.

''Sweetie?'' she asked nervously, wondering what she could have possibly done now, ''what's the matter?''

He looked up darkly from where he sat, jaw set and hair still mussed from earlier that morning and pointed towards the console, ''you had a phone call this morning,'' he started and she sqouze her eyes shut in realization, ''…someone called John''

**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Later than planned, I know so on with the next chapter :D**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 7**

''So?'' she had to be careful. One wrong word and he could turn on her just like that, ''what did he say?''

The Doctor didn't answer straight away, instead glared at her and she felt as though he was looking straight through her like an x-ray, ''he was asking after you, wanted to talk but I told him you were sleeping''

''Oh…''

''He also asked if you were alright because he's 'worried' about you for some reason…''

''But why would he say that?''

''I don't know, you tell me'' he leant back in the chair with his fingers threaded together over his stomach. Inside, River panicked. The conversation was already going downhill and she wasn't sure that anything she would say would prevent the inevitable from happening.

''I have no idea sweetie''

''I think you're lying…''

''No, of course I'm not! Look, I don't know why he said that or why he phoned – for god's sake I don't even know how he got this number'' and that was a lie because she had given John her number when they had met up but she wasn't about to tell _him_ that.

''Oh come off it River! You're telling me he was randomly punching numbers in on the phone and he just happened to dial the one of River Song. What are the chances of that eh?'' he laughed getting up from the leather swivel chair so he was standing taller than her, using his height to intimidate her,

''Doctor, I have no-,''

''Stop lying to me, I'm sick of it! All you ever do is lie after lie after lie''

''I'm not lying!''

He reached for her arm and yanked her towards him, ''tell me what you told him!''

''Nothing, I swear! I haven't said anything that would give him reason to worry about me''

''Tell me the truth or so help me god I just might do something I regret'' he hissed in her ear and she gulped. The hand that wasn't gripping her arm was tightly wrapping her hair round his knuckles so her head tilted up to meet his face. She noticed that, when he was angry one of the first things he would do is grab hold of her hair and pull. ''_River_''

''Urgh, get off me!'' she tried pulling away but the hand knotted in her hair kept her firmly in place with her back against his chest, ''I am telling the truth, your just too idiotic to see it'' he growled impatiently and yanked her hair again, this time she fell and her head smacked into the controls. She tucked her legs beneath her, trying to make herself as small as possible and she couldn't help but cry out at the pain that surged through her head.

''I want to know what he knows'' he tried again, this time more calmly as he observed the crying woman infront of him but his moment of patience was short lived when she only continued to whimper and clutch her arms tightly around herself instead of give him an answer.

SLAM

River screamed as the cold metal hit her skull again, ''TELL ME NOW!'' he roared and it echoed round the console room and she could feel the warmth of her own blood trickle down the side of her face,

''I DON'T KNOW!'' she managed before he hit her again

''Well he knows something River and I certainly didn't tell him so it must have been you''

''I don't know. I don't know. I don't know'' she sobbed, ''I don't know how he knows!''

''You're a manipulative little bitch, do you know that?'' he hissed and then bent down so they were eye level, ''I'm only going to ask you one, last, time. What have you told him?'' In that moment she decided that no matter how many times she told him the truth, he wouldn't believe her and so took it upon herself to get some, what – satisfaction? out of it.

''You know what I think?'' she said slowly even though it felt like her skull was splitting, ''I think it would serve you right if we were having an affair, that way at least when you hit me, I'd know it was for the-,'' the rest of her sentence didn't come as he cracked her head against the controls again, more harder this time and the TARDIS groaned in disapproval.

She felt herself start to lose consciousness with every blow, the blackness overwhelming her senses, all she could feel was his cold hands on either side of her face and it was then that the TARDIS lurched – sending them both hurtling across the glass floor.

This was her only chance. Whilst he scrambled up from the floor, she ran the best she could out the TARDIS doors in nothing but her dressing gown, not caring where the TARDIS had brought her. As it turned out; it looked like a forest clearing, cold, damp and extremely lonely. Why had she landed here? Pulling her dressing gown more securely and searching frantically around for some sign of an escape route, she saw a road ahead although it was difficult to make out because her vision had gone hazy.

She stumbled through the forest battered and bloody, paying no attention to the branches scratching and cutting her legs or the sharp pain she felt on her bare feet when she stood on a twig or a stone.

It was bitter cold and she had no idea where she was going, the only thing she knew was to get as far away from her husband as possible. She kept turning round every now and again to make sure he wasn't following her and more than once stumbled over in her dizzy state.

When she reached the top road she was almost run over by a man in a Land Rover and she thanked God is was John. The TARDIS must of known he'd be here, known she'd be safe. She got in the car and told him to drive and he did. Only when they were a safe distance away did she sigh in relief and answer some of the questions he'd bombarded her with since she got in the car.

''River what the bloody hells going on?'' he asked as they drove down the country lane to his house, ''I rang you this morning but the Doctor told me you were in bed and, just look at the state of you!'' River closed her eyes and rested her sore head against the car seat, ''we need to get you to a hospital-,''

''No'' she cut him off, ''I'll be fine, just, keep driving''

''He did this to you didn't he? I knew it! When I saw you at the restaurant I just knew something was wrong, you swore to me, you _promised_ you wouldn't go back to him if he kept doing this to you''

''John please, I don't need lecturing about this now. I'd just like to get to a hotel or something where I can rest-,''

''Don't be silly, I'm taking you back to my house where I can run you a bath and get you some clothes before you do anything'' he said and she remembered she was only wearing her dressing gown and nothing underneath, ''then I want to at least take a look at that on your head, looks nasty''

She wasn't in the mood to protest and so just smiled weakly in thanks. The short ride to John's house was a quiet one, he would keep glancing over to her to make sure she was alright; slightly worried she would lose consciousness any minute.

They pulled up the gravel drive and John helped her out of the car, making sure her dressing gown was secured and draping one of her arms over his shoulder to support her, he practically carried her to the house.

''I really wish you'd let me take you to hospital'' he sighed placing her gently on the couch,

''Really I'll be fine, thankyou. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before'' River patted his arm and offered him a faint smile. He really cared about her, she knew he did. It was one of the reasons she suspected the Doctor got so jealous, although he had no way of knowing how close they were and how deep their friendship went. John had never been married and it was no secret just how _much_ he did care for her, in university they had been inseparable, he was her best friend in the whole world and beyond and she could tell him anything with the confidence that he would listen and understand. He knew all about the Silence and Madam Kovarian, her messed up childhood and who she really was, _what _she really was and his love for her still never changed…

''I'll just run you a bath and then go and get you some clothes, I'll be half an hour max so don't worry, just, try and relax okay?'' she nodded and that's when he hugged her tightly. It took her by surprise but none the less hugged him back; it was nice just to be hugged. The Doctor never hugged her, well unless you count _intimate_ hugs but this was so much different, a comforting embrace from one friend to another and it made her feel secure and at ease with the world.

''Thankyou'' she mumbled into his shoulder and he pulled away gently before pressing a quick kiss to her forehead and leaving the room to run her a bath. For the first time in months, River felt _safe_.

**Right so crazy Doctor is back and will soon get even crazy-er-r **


	8. Chapter 8

**Next chapter up quickly because I felt I couldn't leave it where it was. Thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing/alerting/favouriting, really means a lot and keeps me fuelled to write more! :)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 8**

River sat on the bed in the spare bedroom of John's house. It had been years since she had been here and wished the circumstances could have been different. It had been almost forty minutes since he had gone to get her some clothes, she'd had a bath but wasn't able to relax, not properly. She was on her own and knew it was only a matter of time before the Doctor found her. Every little noise, every creak of the floor boards made her jump and she thought to herself how she had ended up like this.

She went downstairs to make herself a coffee (or something stronger, John wouldn't mind) He'd told her to put on his dressing gown as hers was bloody, torn and covered in dirt from the forest so she did; the deep green woollen dressing gown felt warm and soft against her skin.

She wondered in the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle then started opening cupboards to look for some brandy to put in her drink and that was when she could of sworn she heard the TARDIS engines materialise somewhere in the distance. She stopped still, like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car and listened. It was only for a split second but all she could hear now was the sound of the kettle boiling. River checked the back door was locked but it wouldn't have made a difference whether it was wide open or made out of the strongest iron; the sonic screwdriver would be able to open it for him anyway…

After making a drink – she'd decided on tea with brandy, she cautiously made her way to the living room and settled herself on the couch. She flicked through some of the books on the coffee table and was just starting to relax when she heard it again. The 'vwrop vworp' of the TARDIS' breaks never sounded so terrifying and she jumped to the window, almost sloshing tea down John's dressing gown in the process and peered through the blinds – no sign of a police box anywhere.

''_Hello sweetie_''she dropped the mug this time as she spun round to where she had heard his mocking voice behind her but no one was there… Perhaps the knock on the head had made her hallucinate hearing his voice and the sound of the TARDIS… _Perhaps_.

It was now that she noticed her hands were shaking and her breathing was quick and shallow, ''where are you!'' she cried, backing herself towards the wall where she sank to the floor and she heard it again, his voice, taunting her and laughing. She covered her hands over her ears but she still heard it, it was almost as though he was _inside_ her mind. She screamed for him to leave her alone at the same time she banged her head against the wall, willing his voice to be knocked out of her head with every 'thud'

She rocked back and forth, unaware of the tears streaming down her face. She cried and screamed and cursed and got herself into such a state she didn't hear the front door open and close or the footsteps quickly make their way down the hallway.

''Stop!'' _thud_ ''stop!'' _thud_ ''stop!'' _thud_ _''_stop!'' was all John could hear upon entering the house and he wondered what the hell was going on. When he walked into the living room he saw River curled up against the wall, knees pulled up to her chin with her arms clutched tightly round them and banging her head backwards against the wall which was the cause of the 'thudding'

''River…'' he ran over to her, dropping the clothes and other supplies on the couch and crouched down infront of her and swept her in his arms, ''oh River, whatever has he done to you eh?'' he soothed, smoothing her hair back with his free hand as she sobbed into his jumper.

''He's here!'' she mumbled into his chest, ''he won't leave me alone, he's found me…'' and that was all he managed to hear because her cries made it impossible to hear what she was saying next so all he could do was hold her.

''River, River, shhh, it's not real. He's not here, you're safe'' he rocked her gently, whispering words of comfort into her curls until his back went stiff from the awkward position he was in on the floor and he had to move. ''come on'' he lifted her up and he felt her hands curl more tightly around his jumper as he guided them over to the sofa. They stayed like that for what must have been hours, John sat upright with River sobbing into his lap and all he did was listen and stroke her hair. She really was beautiful he thought, and he couldn't bear the thought of anyone hurting her let alone the one man she trusted and loved the most above anyone else and he felt jealous of the Doctor. Jealous of the fact that no matter how bad he treated her, River still loved him as much as the day she _fell_ in love with him, if not more.

A while later and her wracking sobs had subsided into quiet whimpers and after much 'shushing' from John, she was calm once again and they started talking. They talked about the Doctor, they talked about Amy and Rory who John had never met and then they talked about their university days. They laughed and joked, and then John fetched a bottle of wine from the kitchen and they laughed some more. River's head was still buzzing and he insisted she get medical attention as soon as possible and she assured him that she would be fine once she got to the medical bay on the TARDIS which brought an abrupt end to the laughter because that was an assumption that she was going to go back to him and back to the life she had before.

There was an awkward pause where they both just simply looked at each other, the reality of the situation sunk in even more and there was a brief moment when River thought her best friend was going to kiss her, it was a perfect kiss moment if she was honest but they were both a little tipsy and there was the small matter of her being married – otherwise, it really would have been the perfect kiss moment, well apart from the impatient knocking on the front door that was ruining the mood. Wait, knocking?

River jumped away from her friend and hastily pulled his dressing gown more tightly round herself despite it being perfectly intact already. ''It's okay, I'll go. You stay here, I'll be right back'' he reassured her and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before heading out into the hallway to answer the door. River listened intently to the voices and her heart dropped to her stomach when she heard the person outside speak;

''Where is she?'' she heard the Doctor demand,

''Who? I'm alone, just got back from the market'' John replied and River realised that perhaps the TARDIS engines she had heard had in fact been real and the Doctor had just waited to pick his moment. As for the voices, well she just had to assume that she had been hearing things…

''Don't play games with me, I know she's here, I heard her laughing''

''I don't know what you're talking about''

She heard the Doctor let out an impatient sigh, ''Rivers in there so you may as well stop hiding her from me and _stand aside''_

''What do you want first?'' John insisted,

''Only what I'm entitled to''

''No way, not gonna happen-,''

''You can't _stop_ me, she's my wife, I'm her husband. End off now run along and fetch her for me'' The Doctor was becoming more impatient now, River could tell just by the tone his voice had adopted,

''You're not in the right mind. Go home Doctor''

''That's not for you to decide; I've already asked you nicely…''

John laughed, ''is that a threat?''

''Yes''

''You have no _right_-,''

''I have every right. I've come to take her home''

''What if I told you she didn't want to go?''

River edged more closely to the door frame and hoped against hope that he would be satisfied that he wasn't going to see her today, however that was not the case as he had an answer for everything John threw at him;

''Then I'd laugh because there's no way she would ever _not_ want to come back to me'' John looked away, frustrated at how this man managed to still speak the truth despite everything, ''ohhhh I get it'' the Doctor started, ''you _fancy_ her. It makes even MORE sense now! You've got the hots for my wife. Oh this is hilarious!''

''You have no idea. I don't have 'the hots' for River, I... She's my best friend, I don't like to see her get hurt''

''Oh right, okay. Is that what they're calling it these days? I see, yeah…''

River appeared in the hallway and saw the Doctor's face drop at the sight of her in this man's dressing gown.

''It's alright John,'' she said shakily, ''he's fine''

''But River, he's not-,''

''John, _please_. I think I should go'' the Doctor grinned, not bothering to keep the smugness off his face as John stood there gob smacked, ''I think it's best if I leave, don't you?''

What almost happened on the couch was _too_ close to almost happening. If they hadn't been interrupted by the Doctor ran-tan-tanning on the front door then who knows what may have happened. At least this way there was nothing to feel guilty about and if River hadn't been beaten to a pulp then mixed it with alcohol then she would have stopped John in his tracks before the awkward pause even had the chance to turn into a 'kiss moment'

''River no, I can't just let you go back to _him_''

''Yeah _John_, it's for the best. Let her come back to me''

''No-,''

''You know I can't stay here,'' River cut in quickly before it turned into a full blown argument, ''I'll just get changed Doctor'' she took the clothes that John had got her from off the couch and went upstairs to put them on. She could still hear John and her husband mildly bickering in the hallway and just hoped they would both keep their cool long enough for her to get dressed so they could leave. She hung John's dressing gown back on the door, already missing the loss of warmth and comfort it provided and headed back downstairs wearing a loose woollen jumper and jeans. The Doctor was stood in the threshold looking as smug as ever. When she reached the hallway she thanked John for everything and told him how grateful she was, she would of hugged him but it was best not to she thought.

''River'' he pulled her closer to whisper something only she could hear, ''do you trust him?''

She looked him in the eyes and hesitated with the answer ''…No''

**Wrote that quickly, sorry if it seems a little rushed and that will not be the last time we see John ;D **

**Please review! **

**Ps. I am thinking about making this story rated M for the next chapter and possible further chapters but I don't know. I've never wrote anything M rated before :/**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so I wanted to try my hand at writing something smutty so that's what this is. Uhm, yeah****,**** rated M for a reason so if you don't like reading that sort of thing then I suggest you skip the middle-ish part and scroll down to the bottom where there's no sexiness ;D**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 9**

''Please don't leave me River'' he said quietly from where he was lay with his head on her stomach, ''I don't know what I would do if you left me…'' she wasn't listening, it just went in one ear and out the other, this bi-polar Doctor was really quite tiring. She stroked his hair and stared at the ceiling and he stared at the wall. He had both arms wrapped round the tops of her legs, afraid that she would disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough. He wanted to forget this morning, everything from John's phone call he wished never happened, it was easy enough to _pretend_ but it was forgetting that was the hard part.

''I'm not going anywhere my love'' she swept his floppy hair away from his face and for the first time took her gaze away from the bedroom ceiling, ''this is where I belong. Here with you''

''I don't know what's happening to me River…'' she heard him say and it was so faint she almost missed it, what she didn't miss however was the distinct tear tracks shining down his cheeks and flowing onto her top. _Great_, emotional Doctor. She preferred it when he was angry, at least she knew where she stood then but now, he hardly ever got like this and she wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it. ''I don't know what to do anymore'' and then it got even worse because he started to sob.

He'd been quiet ever since they got back to the TARDIS, the first thing he did when they returned was take her to the medical bay to patch her head up and she didn't argue, he'd been so tender; asking her over and over if she was feeling alright. Then he decided to have a bath and she joined him, it wasn't their usual over enthusiastic-sloshing water over the edge kind of bath but a simple 'boring' bath as the Doctor called it because all they did was lie there and soak. After that they had something to eat, omelettes because River was useless at cooking and the Doctor didn't feel like it so she made them a minimalistic dinner and now here they were, lying on top of the covers of their bed and he was feeling sorry for himself and sobbing into her pyjama vest.

''Shhh sweetie. You don't have to do anything'' she whispered and he wriggled upwards until his chin rested in the crook of her shoulder and sighed contently. They stayed like that for a while, resuming the ceiling and wall staring, she stroked his bare arm lightly and that's when she decided she needed to cheer him up, to help him forget.

''I know what will make you feel better…'' she spoke lowly and walked her fingers purposely down his stomach until they tickled the skin at his waistband and he looked up at her slightly puzzled.

''River, I'm not really sure-,''

''Oh come on sweetie'' she shuffled down the bed and slinked a leg over his hips, straddled him and then continued sliding her journey south until she was level with the area that was fast growing in need of attention the most, ''It'll take your mind off things…'' she leant forward and began pressing open mouthed kisses from hip to hip in an attempt to persuade him and grinned when he took a sharp intake of breath – apparently it was working.

''Oh God, Riv – _oh_…'' he gasps when the hot wetness of her tongue glides across his abdomen and _lower _until his eyes roll into the back of his head of their own accord. Her nimble fingers made quick work of his trousers, tugging them down swiftly and he lifts his hips off the bed to help her.

''Yes sweetie?'' she popped her head back up and smiled at him as innocently as she ever would be able to given her position between his legs,

''…Don't stop'' his hand pushes her head back to its original position and she resumes her teasing. This was the last thing he expected after the events of today but it's a very _nice_ unexpected and then she takes him inside her mouth where it's warm and wet and slippery.

He lifts his head off the mattress with great difficulty and watches her cheeks hollow and relax as she starts to slowly milk him. He can't remember the last time they did this, the last time she offered it him on a plate but god, he'd missed it. The hand lodged in her hair pulls a little too vigorously when her teeth scrape the sensitive skin and his hips jerk upwards, almost making her gag in the process.

She keeps a firm hold of his hips, preventing him from thrusting into her mouth anymore. He's going to apologise but she sucks her cheeks in almost violently, increasing the pressure and he squeaks instead.

''_River_'' he grunts, clenching his teeth as she moves down again, taking him in all the way this time until he hits the back of her throat and he has to plant his feet flat firmly on the mattress to stop his hips from snapping upwards. It's been so long, _too_ long since he last felt her mouth devour him like this, the way her tongue winds around him like a naughty lolly pop or how her nails scratch him in _just _the right places to make him even closer to the edge.

He can't help himself and now both his hands are holding either side of her head to try and get deeper and he rocks his hips in a steady rhythm. He was never patient River knew, and she would drive him to the brink of insanity just for her own pleasure before she granted him release.

She starts pulling him out ever so slowly, making sure her teeth graze deliciously painfully over his throbbing erection, making his breathing come out harsh and forced through his nose. Next thing he knows, she's holding the tip between her teeth and then trails a crimson painted nail down the length of him, then chases it with her lips until she reaches his tightening balls.

He doesn't quite know what's happening to him, he's got his eyes shut tight and his toes curl into the blue bed sheets beneath him as he feels her mouth plunge down on him again. He growls; ''_Riv-aaaaa_'' before she stops trying to stop him from thrusting, instead uses her hands to fondle his balls – adding to the pressure whilst she works faster, her head bopping up and down frantically and he jerks his hips faster to keep up with her pace.

He's in a state of complete euphoria and can't help but cry 'faster' as he nears release. At his demand she moves even more rapidly, using her hands for leverage on either side of his hips and his cock repeatedly rams into the back of her throat with every thrust and descend. He moves her head quickly as a helping hand. It's so frantic, so rushed that he's surprised to have lasted this long and it's only after a couple more lunges that he yells and stills her head to his cock and spills inside her mouth.

She swallows him whole then slides his almost limp member from her mouth, letting it drop numbly against his leg. He watches with deep satisfaction as she wipes his milky cum from the corners of her mouth with her wrist then starts crawling up the bed to hover over him. He decides it his turn to do some of the satisfying and brings her face down to his when – the phone rings and she immediately stiffens.

''Just leave it…'' his whispers against her lips, pulling her hips closer to his forcefully,

''It could be important, I should answer it,-''

''They can call back'' and she complies for a few moments before the 'ring ring' of the TARDIS telephone becomes too annoying and she pulls back with a frustrated growl.

''I'll be right back sweetie'' she promises and heads down the corridor towards the persistent ringing in the control room. He stares after her in complete awe of how lucky he is, if he was honest, no one could _really_ understand him as _thoroughly_ as she could and no one could ever be as patient and loving despite what he sometimes thought otherwise.

He hears the phone stop ringing and assumes she speaking to whoever it is right now, no doubt fobbing them off with excuses so they can carry on where they left off and its only when she doesn't return after ten minutes that he follows her.

He wondered back the console room wearing his dressing gown, considerably happier but confused as to what was taking her so long and was about to call out to River when he heard quick muttering from inside the console room and so remained silent and stood still at the top of the stairs,

''I've _told_ you not to contact me, how did you even get this number, I thought I changed it?'' she hissed quickly down the phone, ''…No, you know how things are… Yes and I'll be eternally grateful so – no, I can't, please don't phone me again'' The Doctor moved quietly down the stairs, intrigued to find out who was on the other end of the line. Then she said it, ''John _please. _I don't have a lot of time! Just, don't ring me again and it's probably best if we don't see each other again either… Right, I need to get back, I'm sorry. Bye'' she hung up and the Doctor continued his descend on the stairs,

''Who was that on the phone?'' he asked fairly cheerfully but something in his voice had an edge to it and that told River he may have overheard the conversation so therefore she decided to tell the truth. If he already knew who it was then lying was no use, in fact it would only make things worse,

''It was John. He wanted to come and meet me-,''

''But you said no'' the Doctor interjected, looking at her suspiciously,

''Yes of course''

''Good…'' his voice dropped lower, ''because you know what will happen if I find out you've been seeing each other''

She was treading on very thin ice, she had of course nothing to hide but if she wasn't careful they'd soon be arguing and she knew what happened when they argued…

**Going to leave it there. That was my first attempt at 'adult content' ever and woah, I can't even believe them sort of thoughts could come from my childish mind… **

**Please review and ease my nervousness about posting naughty lemon :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is rated M. Slightly shorter and contains some sex, nothing as detailed as the previous chapter but it's important ;D**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 10**

Today was not a good day. This morning they'd had an argument over breakfast, the Doctor had been in a bad mood anyway because he'd spent all night tinkering with the TARDIS – not that he didn't enjoy doing that, it was just she didn't seem to want to co-operate.

Every time he connected a wire or loose cable, she would sort of hiss and give him an electric shock which of course made him angry, he'd kicked the TARDIS as hard as he could about a dozen times and one time he actually threw a spanner at her whist cursing that she was a useless piece of junk and he didn't care if she never worked again. He knew why though, deep down but he would never admit it to himself; the TARDIS was on River's side, always had been, always will be and it aggravated him. She was the child of the TARDIS after all.

River argued that he shouldn't speak to her like that because she has feelings and the Doctor argued back telling her it was _his _TARDIS and he'd do whatever he bloody well pleased which led to them arguing about other stuff – including John briefly. That led them to screaming at each other until the Doctor snapped and slapped her across the face.

And now, to top it all off, he couldn't find his screwdriver.

''_Where is it?_''

River flinched from where she was in the bath. She'd tried to relax by talking a long soak but apparently it was not to be. ''Where's what?'' she said dismissively, she really could not be bothered with him today. When the Doctor was in one of those foul moods it was just better to keep out of his way.

''My sonic obviously'' he huffed, now starting to empty the cabinet over the sink, throwing various items over his shoulder. How on earth he thought it could be in there she'll never know.

''I don't know. Probably in your jacket like always''

He turned round to look at her, slightly taken aback at her irritated tone. She looked rather beautiful when she was angry, he thought – well aside from the hand mark across her cheek. Sitting there with her eyes shut and brow furrowed ignoring him, waiting for him to go away.

Her hair was pulled up out of the way and the steam from the bath had made the loose hair that had escaped the bobble crinkle up into even tighter corkscrew curls. Her knees were visible just bobbing out of the water and he had the faintest urge to touch them, he sighed, giving up looking for the sonic and walked over to sit on the edge of the bath. She opened her eyes warily upon sensing his closeness; he had his back to her and elbows on his knees – thinking.

What had he become? He'd never been a violent man, always resolving the situation without the need for weapons or power. Hell, River was the one that liked to go round shooting things without rhyme nor reason, not _him_. And now look at him, _the Doctor_, allows his temper to get the better of him, jealous, spiteful, hurtful, abusive? He wasn't sure, he wasn't sure what had turned him into _this_, what was happening to him and to take it out on a woman – not just any woman at that but River, his wife, the daughter of his best friends and who he loved above anything or anyone else… He'd turned into a monster.

He noticed her fingers twitch on the edge of the bath, yearning to get closer, to touch him and he smiled. That was another thing, despite everything she still loved him, _lived_ for him. She'd given up her freedom just to be with him and this was how he repaid her – a black eye here, split lip there, sometimes he noticed she flinched when he touched her even if was just a gentle brush along her shoulder.

''You coming in?'' she asked, rubbing his hand gently. He hadn't really been paying attention and it took him slightly longer to register what she just said,

''Are you sure? I mean I don't want – well I _do_ want but I'm not sure you-,''

''Sweetie, your rambling'' she chuckled and he once again noticed his hand print, angry red on her cheek. Guilt dropped in the pit of his stomach like a brick, the constant reminder of what he did and his hands started to twist themselves together nervously in his lap,

''Do you want me to?''

''I wouldn't have asked otherwise would I?'' she answered his question with a question.

He untied his burgundy bowtie and slid it off, followed by his shirt which he dropped to the floor. He stood up to toe off his boots then removed his trousers and boxers then lastly his socks and stepped in the bath. She smiled as he lowered himself into the water and sat between her legs, resting his back against her chest.

She pressed her lips to his shoulder gently and felt the tenseness ease away and he relaxed into her body. He spent a long time just drawing circles over her knee with his forefinger, not thinking just allowing his mind to wonder. He sunk further into the bath so his head was pillowed by River's breasts then had an idea, he purposely let his hand slide from her knee and down her thigh until she squirmed. This could very well turn into a sloshing water over the edge bath if he played his cards right.

He flipped over so it was his chin resting on her chest and took advantage of his new position by licking his way up between her sternum, briefly pausing to latch onto the skin above her left breast, sucking it gently before kissing his way up to her neck, leaving a blotchy red mark on her already flushed skin.

Despite the somewhat reluctance she felt towards giving in, she couldn't help but moan at the contact or kiss him back or stop her legs from tightening together on either side of his body, squeezing against the sides of his hips.

The Doctor put his hands on the edge of the bath next to her head and started nibbling the sensitive skin by her ear, whispering promises all the while.

''Sweetie, why don't we-,'' she gasps when he bites down – hard, on her neck until she whimpers. Space teeth indeed…

''Hmm?'' he mumbles and she can _feel_ the smirk against her skin.

''Take this… in the bedroom'' she barely heard him breathe something along the lines of 'not a chance' before he was hitching her legs further upwards, then slipped inside her and she groaned at the feeling of being so full. He held himself there, allowing River's muscles to contract and relax against him before starting to thrust slowly. River's body arched upwards so her top half was out of the water.

She whispered his name, his real name.

Her arms were round his shoulders now, clutching onto him so she wouldn't slide up the bath and the Doctor smoothed a hand under her thigh, encouraging her to wrap it more securely round his waist.

To be honest, she was quite surprised at how little teasing there was. He'd just gotten straight to it, not that she was complaining though.

He slanted his lips across her cheek where he had struck her, panting harshly against her skin. River's legs were coiled round his back, trying to angle herself so he could get deeper and the water in the bath was rocking and splashing uncontrollably, threatening to spill over the sides.

The Doctor's thrusts eventually lost their rhythm until he was just snapping his hips back and forth frantically, using the far side of the bath for leverage. Eyes shut tight in concentration and the knuckles that were gripping the edge had turned white. He shattered first, coming with a loud shout of her name. River was close behind, he only thrust into her a few more times before she clenched around his cock forcefully.

He felt her walls quiver around him as little tremors of pleasure still coursed through her body, ''where did that come from?'' she asked, still breathless and dropping her legs from his waist so he could slide out of her.

He just shrugged, ''felt like it I suppose'' he said with an air of righteousness, of course it was because he felt guilty as well but he wasn't about to tell her that, he liked to let her think otherwise.

She hummed in agreement then allowed herself to be pulled up and handed a towel which she wrapped round herself. The Doctor picked up his clothes from the bathroom floor, slightly wet from the water that had spilled over the edge during their rushed frolic. River strolled into their bedroom to find something to wear; it was after all only mid-afternoon. As for the Doctor, he found his sonic screwdriver on the bedside table, River's side.

**More drama next I think. The next chapter will be up shortly, sorry that this one took so long; college has been driving me insane! Please review! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter jumps around a bit but I just needed things to move on quickly before all the drama :)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 11**

''River!'' Amy cried happily when she opened her front door and saw her daughter stood on the doorstep but her face immediately fell when she saw the state she was in, ''oh my god, what happened to you?''

''Amy… I don't have long. Can you let me in, I'll explain later''

''Yeah, come in… RORRRY!'' Mr Pond ran down the stairs two at a time, wondering what on earth the matter was this time and then when he got to the hallway, he realised. His daughter was leaning by the front door – barely standing. She looked like she'd come from a war zone, perhaps she had…

''River…'' he breathed, taking in her bloodied appearance, ''where's the Doctor?''

''He's not here,'' she managed, standing up a little straighter and wincing when the movement caused her pain, ''look, I just need somewhere to stay for a while, not too long. Perhaps you could patch me up dad?''

''Right, yeah. Come in then…'' with one last look at the street outside, she slammed the door shut.

Rory tended to her injures, confirming that she had dislocated her knee cap and may have broken her wrist. The other injuries were just minor bruising and cuts, one ran above her eye but when questioned about it, River just said they were souvenirs from one of her more recent escapes and refused to be taken to a hospital.

Amy on the other hand felt rather useless. Hovering around with cups of tea and biscuits, she really didn't know what to do. The most helpful thing she did was sit next to River and talk to her whist her father clicked her knee back into place and then she helped her change into some more comfortable clothing.

The Doctor had been mentioned quite a few times, Amy had said that the last time they saw him, he'd visited them alone because River had some 'archaeology stuff' to catch up on and that he had seemed rather… Distant and then she received a scolding of Rory for not being more careful on their adventures and he told her that the Doctor shouldn't let her keep getting herself nearly blown up and almost shot.

''River, where is the Doctor?'' Amy asked cautiously as Rory finished wrapping a dressing round her knee, he looked up when she didn't answer straight away.

''Oh, he'll be here soon enough… I've no doubt about that'' she smiled weakly, hoping they wouldn't keep questioning her about him, it was a challenge enough making up a whole story about how she acquired her injuries. Eventually they seemed satisfied that she wasn't going to go into details and left her alone in the bedroom to rest.

_Later_

''Mother, I told you I'm _fine_'' River called upon hearing the quick footsteps on the stairs, she turned to face the door to decline the offer for anymore tea but the owner of the footsteps was not Amy, or Rory, ''Just let me res-t…''

''_Hello darling'' _

She gulped, he'd found her. She knew he would. There he stood in the doorframe, grinning like a mad man. Amy must have let him in, well, why wouldn't she?

''_Amy_, come on. Just let them sort it themselves-,''

''No,'' she laughed, ''are you joking? The Doctor never tells us anything and River, well, she tells us only what she _wants _us to know. No way, were staying here. Now shush and be quiet''

''Change the record Doctor, it's getting old now – and boring'' they hear from inside the spare bedroom. The one that River and the Doctor sometimes occupy on the off change that they stay the night at the Pond residence.

''Well, have you?'' he repeats, the frustration evident in his voice. Amy and Rory stand outside their door on the landing, contemplating whether or not to go inside but if the Doctor and their daughter where having one of their 'marital discussions' then they – meaning Rory, did not want to intrude.

''What do you think they're talking about?'' Amy whispered, leaning forward even more to catch what they were saying. Rory on the other hand was trying to usher his wife away, he didn't want to be caught eavesdropping on River and the Doctor whist they were trying to have a private conversation,

''I don't know – look, let's just leave them to it''

''Will you just listen to yourself'' they hear River say. She already didn't feel well and couldn't be bothered having a slanging match on top it off.

''Were you with John? It's a simple enough question!'' Amy and Rory both looked at each other confused,

''Whose _John_?'' Rory mouthed. Amy shook her head,

Inside the room, River was pacing, packing some items in a duffle bag as she went ''y_es_''

The Doctor's eyes widened.

''I was with John all evening and we had the most amazing time, best shag I've ever had. There. Happy now?''

This time Amy and Rory's eyes widened and Rory decided it would be a good time to drag his wife away from the door before things got _really _private and they heard something they wished they hadn't. Amy was protesting until she heard footsteps (River's) come towards the door and she quickly turned with Rory and hurried towards their own bedroom, leaving the fuming couple to stew by themselves.

''Don't test me, River''

She laughed, ''Why? Because you'll _hurt_ me?''

The Doctor strode over and stood in between her and the bed so she couldn't pack any further, ''stop it''

''_Why_ Doctor? What are you going to do to me?'' she was teasing him, goading – mocking if you will. He didn't like being made fun of, not in a serious way anyhow. It was only when she moved round him to continue packing did he grasp both her lower arms, just above her wrist and her possibly broken wrist.

''You know perfectly well what I'd do, _sweetheart_'' his voice was low and dangerous next to her ear. She looked up into his face – his eyes. He could be completely different in the space of five minutes…

''Get. Off. Me.''

''Oh, I don't think so, do you?'' he sneered, ''I'm going to keep you right here where I can keep my eye on you''

She struggled again but he kept her hands pressed firmly to his chest. The four beat rhythm of his hearts did not sooth her, or comfort her.

''I need some time alone'' she was going to say 'away from you' but instead came out with, ''away from, _this_'' he knew what she meant, but he also remembered her promise,

''This,'' he shook her hands and she almost laughed because the force was causing his fringe to fall infront of his face, ''is where you belong. Here, with me. You said so yourself''

''Yeah well, you'll know where to find me won't you?''

''You're not going back to prison!''

''That's _exactly_ where I'm going-,''

''No way'' This was ridiculous; she hadn't been to Stormcage for a _very_ long time and never, not once, had she _wanted_ to go back.

''_Yes_. Besides I think it's about time I actually spent some time serving the sentence I was imprisoned with, don't you agree?'' Truth was she really did want some time alone, to think and just… Relax. If relax was the right word for a convict in a cell.

''River you just can't leave me again – you promised!''

''I'm not leaving you, just give me some space,'' she saw his face drop, ''and then you can pick me up. Just like always, yeah?''

He looked down at the carpet; he didn't want River to go. He hated leaving her in that place but if it's what she wanted then… He nodded.

''Good. Now let go of me sweetie'' he didn't and she sighed once more, contemplating her next move. ''Please my love… I, I'm not well…'' she admitted.

''Well stay here, I can take care of you'' he tried, attempting to caress her cheek but she pulled away quickly

''I don't want you to!'' the harshness of her tone shocked even herself but it had to be said, ''I don't need taking care of I just, please, let me go''

_3 weeks later_

Oh god… Oh god… This could not be happening. The time she spent alone in Stormcage had given her some time to think about things and… Suspicions that she had since she first arrived… It was indeed the most inconvenient timing but there was no way around it. She and the Doctor need to talk, and soon.

She wasn't ready for this; she'd _never _be ready for this. The prospect of it scared her, it was a commitment. Marriage was one thing and she was totally fine with that but _children_. No.

River never had the desire to be responsible for someone else and certainly didn't want to start now. She wasn't happy or sad. She didn't feel anything – except fear, so when she openly started sobbing on her cot, it was another thing that scared her about the situation. Hormones.

It disgusted her. River Song did not cry.

After fifteen minutes of uncalled for tearfulness, the guard approached her cell and announced that she had a visitor. A visitor? Since when was she allowed visitors? It wasn't the Doctor, he wouldn't bother with namby-pamby formal visiting schedules and it certainly wasn't her parents…

She waited patiently for the guard to return with the said 'visitor' and was shocked but more than relieved to see it was a friendly face.

''John, whatever am I going to do?'' she sobbed into his chest later, clinging to his shirt until her knuckles went white, ''it's such a mess…'' She explained everything that had happened since their last encounter and he just sat there a listened, rubbing comforting circles on her back whilst she poured out her heart to him.

''You can come a live with me,'' he offered, '' I'd take care of you-,''

''I can't… He'd find me…''

''I won't let him. I wouldn't let him touch you ever again. I swear it River'' he kissed the top of her head lightly and continued to shush her. They both sat there for a while, so long in fact that they hadn't noticed the TARDIS materialise, or the man clad in tweed step out of it.


	12. Chapter 12

**This is basically dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Hope you enjoy :)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 12**

He watched closely for a moment, anger struggling inside him at the sight of this man, a man who he has come to despise comforting his wife. He listens, hearing River's strangled cries as John pulls her closer, pulling her arms so they wrap round his neck and then along comes the jealously again, deep, _deep_ within him. Tilting his head to the side in curiosity, he takes in the image. The image of John pressing his lips the top _his _River's head and stroking her bare shoulder lightly, the image that will surely burn on the inside of his eyelids.

He doesn't stop to think what might actually be the cause for such an emotional River, but now he's glad he put the engines on silent, if not he may not have been able to see what she had really been up to behind his back.

He starts to walk forward slowly, still unnoticed by the two occupants and his mouth twists into a smile when they still don't realise he's stood right infront of them. John has his eyes closed and River, well; he suspects she has her eyes shut as well but otherwise the only thing she _would_ be able to see is the underside of John's jaw seen as she has her face tucked into his shoulder.

He leans forward and can see the evident tear marks, damp on the front of John's grey jacket,

''My, my, this does look cosy''

His voice is quiet but it causes the two of them to jump none the less.

''_Doctor_'' she chokes out and John is immediately standing up to put some distance in between the two

''What's the matter? I wasn't interrupting anything was I?'' he asks, looking between them both with raised eyebrows. His tone is light and jokey but the question was anything but. ''River?''

''Just leave her will you?'' John interrupts, ''can't you see she's upset?''

''I was speaking to the organ grinder not the monkey''

''…I've not been feeling well, love-,''

''Yeah, no thanks to _you_-,''

''Will you just shut up? I don't actually see what any of this has got to do with you, so just,'' he makes shooing gestures with his hands, ''run along''

''It has everything to do with me; she's my best friend and she's…''

''She's what?'' the Doctor askes, looking between his wife still sat on the bed and John. ''are you in love with her or something?''

''No, of course not!'' he says offhandedly, just a _little_ too quickly

''Oh my, this just gets better and better!''

''John?'' River says, looking up at him confused. All the times they'd spent together, laughing and joking, the light touches and tender kisses he'd placed on her head, the ones that she was led to believe – and always assumed were in a friendly nature, were in fact because he loved her.

''See, didn't I tell you River? He wants you for himself and you couldn't see it. Come on, I'm taking you home-,''

''No''

''I'm sorry_, _what?''

''I said no, I'm not going with you – and I'm not going with _you_ either'' she looks pointedly at John

''What, River-,''

''Shut up! Both of you! I just want to be left alone, you've both caused me nothing but grief, the pair of you''

''Wait, what have _I _done?'' John looked shocked and River stood up to draw herself up to him,

''Let's see…'' she pretended to think, ''you're always ringing me for a start; even at the most inappropriate times, just when things are just going right – you spoil it! Always wanting to be around me, making that pass at me and then coming here, and, and, telling me that you,-'' she couldn't understand how she didn't see if before, she had once said that she loved him yes, but like a brother, nothing more. Perhaps it had gone straight to his head and then of course there had been the time he had tried to kiss her and how he got all defensive and, urgh! ''- you just can't leave me alone, can you?''

''You don't know what you're saying, you're sick-,''

''I'm not sick!''

''Just let me help you-,''

''NO, I don't _need_ your help. God, I wish I'd never met you! All you do is make my life worse'' the Doctor smirked in satisfaction at the look of hurt on John's face as his wife continued her rant, ''I'm going to make this perfectly clear. I _never_ want to see you again. I never want to hear your stupid voice ever again and I most certainly do _not_ need you to take care of me''

John couldn't believe it. He'd been there for her; he'd been there when the Doctor wasn't. All the times – through thick and thin and this was how she thought of it all. Although, deep down, he couldn't shake off the feeling that she was genuinely annoyed at him for caring about her so much. Too much. He was too caught up in the shock of it all to realise when the Doctor spoke;

''River, I'm not going to ask you again, now come on''

John stepped between them, ''I won't let her go with you'' what he was doing was either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish and if the woman he loved didn't feel the same way then it was a lost cause anyway, ''she's not thinking straight''

''What makes you think I need _your_ permission? And,'' the Doctor leaned forward so they were almost nose to nose, ''I'm rather adamant''

''Then you're a coward'' the Doctor however didn't even seemed phased, just batted his comment away with a low 'hmm' sound before looking expectantly at his wife.

''I'm not leaving with you, Doctor''

''Yes, I think you'll find you are''

River chuckled.

''You can't force me'' And of course the Doctor being the Doctor took that as a challenge.

Before she knew it he was dragging her into the TARDIS.

''Let go of me!'' she struggled but the arm secured around her middle was rather tight. She flung her head back against his shoulder in an attempt to get more leverage to push his arm away but it was no use. He was pulling her along relatively easily, despite her kicking and flailing and John just stood there. He understood now. Received the message loud and clear: she didn't want him; she'd never want or had wanted him, but seeing the look in her eyes as her husband dragged her away was almost too much to bear. Her husband. ''Doctor, no!''

The Doctor fumbled with the doors before pulling her through, apparently the TARDIS was on River's side, _again_, because he had to use the key (with great difficulty) to unlock the door rather than clicking his fingers.

''No! Put me back!'' she screamed and screamed but her protests went ignored by both men then when she was inside, the Doctor slammed the door shut and dropped River to the floor (making sure the doors were secured and locked) before running to the console and sending them into the vortex.

She hit the door with her hand, crying for him to take her back and that's when she heard John finally come to his senses and bang on the doors himself but it was too late. The TARDIS was already disappearing leaving Stormcage and her 'friend' behind.

''Take me back, _please_ take me back'' she begged and begged until her voice went hoarse.

The Doctor moved swiftly down the stairs, a look of pure fury etched across his face, ''well, well, looks like your little boyfriend got cold feet in the end didn't he? Tell me River, do you remember what I said would happen if I ever found out you two had been together?''

Panic flooded through her as she remembered she wasn't only responsible for herself anymore but for someone else as well. Another life, an innocent living life.

''Do you remember what I said would happen, hum?''

''Doctor, no-,''

''DO YOU?''

He shook her roughly and she slumped against the door, ''yes!''

''Then you'll know what's going to happen''

Yes she did, and it usually ended with her sporting a black eye or some other injury as a result of her 'punishment'. If he only knew it wasn't her he'd just be hurting…

''Doctor please don't!''

She was going to have to tell him.

He shook her again and the back of her head hit the wood repeatedly with the force ''Why not eh? WHY NOT!''

''Don't make me-,'' she was cut off by him hauling her off the floor to her feet and dragging her further into the control room.

She stumbled over her feet as her head started to feel light and dizzy, the dizziness she assumed had not much to do with her head hitting the door…

Last chance.

''Sweetie, please listen'' she pleaded and he turned round sharply. Not her Doctor, he was gone now. A stranger was who she saw when she looked in those eyes. He grabbed her upper arms and shouted in her face,

''Why should I listen to anything you have to say, hum? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't give you what you deserve-,''

''BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT!''

**Going to leave it there ;) **

**Please leave a comment!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Progress has been slow with this story, so yeah, I apologise... Trying to match up dates with pregnancy yada yada yada, just try and go with it as I'm not sure it adds up ;)**

_**I don't own Doctor Who.**_

**Chapter 13**

''Wot?...'' he let go of her, utterly shocked. River stood up straighter – she herself couldn't believe the words had slipped so easily from her mouth; she'd tried to avoid saying it out loud if she could because hearing the words made it real… Staring at her husband's blank face, it was now that she realised he'd asked her to repeat herself,

''I'm going to have a baby''

''But, I don't, how can you…'' he trailed off, it was still piecing together in his mind. His gaze quickly wonders to River's as-of-yet-still flat stomach and if he looked _really_ closely, he imagined there could have been the slightest curve there, just visible beneath her customary prison vest.

And then he felt sick with himself.

''Well? Say something'' A baby. When did that happen? Almost a month had gone past without any word. He supposed Amy and Rory didn't know. _'P__lease my love… I, I'm not well…' _He remembers her saying, was this why, because she was pregnant?

''Why didn't you tell me the last time – at your parents', why didn't you tell me then?''

River hesitated, ''I wasn't sure what I was going to do-,''

''What, you were just going to get rid of it behind my back?''

''I don't know! Have you any idea how difficult this has been, I didn't have a clue what to do, hell I don't even want a baby'' He watched her – only half listening as she continued to work herself into a rant. She looked pale, if a tad blotchy, eyes sunken yet twinkling, her hair was a messy array of wild curls flying about her face and by god, above all she looked tired. All that time she'd kept it to herself while he was off gallivanting the universe, and then he remembered materialising in the corridor outside her cell and seeing the two of them looking too close for comfort than he cared to remember. _Comfort. _He had been comforting her.

''He knew didn't he?'' he suddenly spoke, causing her to jump and stop talking,

''I beg your pardon?''

''John, he knows your pregnant'' River was shocked, he'd gone from looking confused and slightly feint to urgent in a matter of moments.

''Yes he does''

''But why would you tell him and not me?'' the Doctor said sadly,

''Well, I'm not sure really, he was just _there_, my love''

''So it is mine then?''

River looked taken aback ''what, of course – why would you even, I would never… How could you think it's not?''

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed, ''oh, do you really want me to answer that?''

''As per usual, the Doctor adds two and two together and comes up with five. Again'' she sighed

''Well what do you expect, it's not exactly been easy for me either you know. You deciding to go back to prison all off a sudden rather than being with your husband. Wondering what the hell might be going on in that head of yours then coming to see you, only to find that your already occupied, wrapped up in the arms of that _man_''

''That it isn't it, him? He's always going to come between us, you won't ever trust me will you?'' he wanted to, he really did. It was just little things that made him doubt and let paranoia get the better of him. ''When will you get it into that wonderful thick head of yours that it's _you_ I love and could never be with anyone else''

The Doctor folded his arms and grumbled something before muttering ''you kissed'' and then stared down at his feet, shuffling them idly in the uncomfortable silence.

''No, he tried to kiss me. Completely different dear''

''Was it just the once or…?''

''Just the once'' River confirmed and that seemed to satisfy him because he dragged his eyes away from the floor to her face, a slight smile tugging the corner of his lips.

''Blimey, a baby…'' he breathed, leaning on the console casually like he so often does.

''I know''

''I still can't believe it. A baby, oh what have we done''

''I know my love, I heard you the first time''

They were both silent for a while, him resuming staring a hole in his shoe and her staring at the column surrounded by the control panel. The feeling of the TARIDS and her humming softly around them was a welcome pleasantry for River; sure she needed the time away but after a month of being surrounded by white wash walls every day, it felt good to be home.

''We can't look after a child River, it's just not plausible''

''That's what I needed time to think about, what we're going to do…'' she looked at him expectantly, hoping he was at least catching on to what she was trying to imply, ''I don't even think, I mean I definitely know that I've never wanted to have children and I don't have any maternal, kind of _feelings_ (Yet she felt responsible to keep it safe when he was dragging her into the TARDIS) so being a mother is just something I never wanted… Something I _don't_ want''

He still continued to look down so she hurried on, ''and I know we're linear _now_, have been for a very long time but what about when our timelines go all out of sync again, what happens then? Sweetie please say something''

The Doctor scrubbed a hand over his face then through his hair, ''I don't know River, I really don't know''

She was hoping he'd at least have an opinion, he'd told her there was no way they could look after a child and now he didn't even know… River knew what she wanted; she just didn't want to have to spell it out for him.

''How far along are you?''

River shrugged, ''I'd guess about three months, give or take a week or so''

''So, all this time, you were… and I...'' the Doctor thought back to the past months, all the time River had been pregnant; he could have killed his own child.

Sensing what he was thinking, she stepped closer until they were facing each other and she could see the hurt behind his eyes. She straightened his lapels before patting them with her hands, letting her palms rest there. ''I know dear, but I didn't know either. I couldn't be _sure_ until about a week after I left for prison… Don't blame yourself for anything my love''

He moved his hand uncertainly towards her stomach, brushing across her abdomen with his fingertips. It was a strange feeling, a sort or presence he could feel, happily tucked away in its mother's womb. The presence of their child, the one they had made together and would be a part of them both. How could he condemn such an innocent life? Not even born yet and already its parents are thinking (or trying not to think) of a way out.

''There's things we can do you know… Options'' he heard River say hesitantly, but he was too engrossed in the tiny prominent bump of her stomach. Spreading his hand, letting his fingers splay over the hardened curve, the Doctor dropped to his knees and placed his ear over her stomach. It made River jump but she didn't flinch, instead placing her hands on his shoulders and admiring the way his mouth was agape in concentration as he listened.

''It's amazing River, I can _feel_ it, I can feel our child inside you'' he glanced up smiling to see that his wife looked sad, ''what is it, what's the matter?''

River just combed her fingers through his hair, he looked so happy, happier than he'd been in a long time; like nothing she had just said bothered him. The furrow of his brow as he looked concerned up at her and the way his fingers lightly grazed over her vest, she couldn't bear to take that away from him now, tell him it's not what she wanted even if it meant she would be unhappy. So instead River decided to push her own thoughts and feelings aside and hoped this was not going to be something she lived to regret, after all, this could be just what he needed.

''Nothing sweetie'' she put on a blank smile and ignored the sorrow she ached inside, ''nothing at all''

_What is she doing. Oh._

**Okay, just so you know, this is NOT going to turn into a 'baby fic' – I say no more ;D**

**Please leave a comment!**


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